Imagine the scene; it is an upstairs bar and this is no gentlemen’s club. The night has been boisterous but the sailors and hangers-on have by now mostly evaporated into Durban’s night air. I have other things on my mind. Gloria is a petite brunette; I have seen more meat on a butcher’s pencil but I am attracted to her. By way of small talk, I ask her what her purpose is in being in ‘a nice place like this.’

“I’m the bouncer,” she purred winsomely.

As a humorous aside it wasn’t much but I smiled but soon smiled on the other side of my face. A few tables away was slumped a heavily built sailor. Leaving my company Gloria tapped him on the shoulder and sweetly suggested he go home. Her advice was met by an expression you don’t use in front of a lady even if she is no lady. Gloria, with a shove, sent the Scandinavian flying to the floor.

In fairness to him, quickly recovering his wits and his feet he lunged at the bar girl. It all happened fast but I recall she again caught him off balance. Using his own weight, and the element of surprise, she propelled him through the door. Unfortunately, this was placed at the head of a steep flight of stairs. I leave the rest to the doormen and your imagination. From there on my respect was not so much for Gloria as for my own sense of survival.

Women rarely know their own strength; a weakness that makes women easy prey for attackers. Those who target women are often physically unimpressive. The feline that purrs on your knee likely weighs less than 4kg. If a cat has no wish to be held I defy any man to hold it. The Americans have a saying, ‘It’s not the size of the dog in a fight it is the size of the fight in the dog.’ It is true.


A woman, armed by nature, is more terrifying than a Viking raiding party. She has two feet for kicking or running. She has two knees, two elbows and two fists for punching. A woman has a set of teeth for biting, ten nails for gouging and a forehead for head-butting.

A woman’s ear-piercing scream chills the bones of assailants; the last thing an accoster needs is his prey attracting attention. A verbal display of rage will make most men wilt; watch them when mother-in-law opens her mouth.


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Most women carry a camera; take a photo of a potentially threatening person ~ ask a friend to do so. If a hostile person is photographed he thinks twice. If in a secluded area take a photo and then hurl the phone into the long grass. He will surrender to circumstance.

In her purse or pockets she has a bunch of keys. Used as a knuckle-duster-cum-gouger there is no more terrifying weapon. She also has her credit card. Held firmly between her thumb and forefinger it will open up a man’s face better than will a kitchen knife. She has perhaps a pair of stiletto heels to hand; they’re called stiletto for a reason.

A rolled up periodical used to jab an attacker’s face causes more damage than a man’s fist. This was trick used by British Army troops when stationed in lawless Aden. There is no law against a woman taking home a bottle for her nightcap. Grasp its neck, break the bottle and you have in your hand the cook’s kitchen department.

Forget the balls; place your two forefingers in a man’s nostrils and yank upwards, which causes him to scream in agony. Alternatively, while an attacker has his thumbs on her breasts a woman should place her thumbs into the marauder’s eye sockets and gouge.

The heel of a woman’s hand jabbed sharply upwards between an attacker’s upper lip and his nose will splinter the nasal bone. Driven upwards it will pierce his brain and can be lethal. One last bit of advice, make sure this article is shared and read by every female you value.